Am homed very early today. wondered why. tonnes of stuffs going through my mind. reminiscing the past. hesitating the present. worrying for the future. feeling so crap.

Reached home stared at the blank tv for like half an hour then got the idea of watching pursuit of happiness. was rather impressed by the guy. Despite his troubles, Chris continues to honour his commitment as a loving and caring father, using the affection and trust his son has placed in him as an impetus to overcome the problems he faces. rate it 8/10. want to watch? ring me up.

I need motivation for studying man. anyone wanna study just ring me up too alright? miss hanging out studying with my friends last year man. had so much joy and fun. also can study somemore. found out some of the chinese songs. reminded me of some of the occasions that happened. gonna listen to them more often already. oh yeah. anyway. my phone can read chinese already! like finally! upgraded the version too.

My weakness is my fear,
alex

This was how dark it was early in the morning. barely just past 7am! pretty amazed by the sight of it. well well. was caught sleeping in class again. TWICE! once in silent reading and once in english period. was damn tired man. only had like 4 hrs of sleep. however! i was rather alert till the end of the day! never thought that would even happened to me.

Sigh, after so long i found out that i actually turn kinda anti-social. even to the people all around me. wonder what's wrong. have always hope that i'm thinking too much. but after spending some time thinking on the bus. i was sure of it. really regretted getting a job during the last nov/dec holiday. was like. greed of money over friendship. the loss time with my friends. seriously up till now was still like quite impossible to even closen the gap. don't even mention getting back together like the old days. friendship is really something money can't buy. however, what's done can't be undone no more. just trying to close up the gap as hard as i can.

alex

well well. spend my saturday doing homeworks and staying dumb at home. however was rather fun during the afternoons man. since a long long time i crapped so much with steph. after much which was dinner at paragon with family and uncle's family! Letting the pictures speak their thousand words. so here they go.

sharkfin!

Lobster with the dunno what sauce.

my and my cutie niece

alex-

After a three hour sleep for today. i sorted things out after having this dream that i died crossing the road hit by a Lamborghini Murciélago. LOL. one of my weirdest dreams man. my favourite car yet the one that killed me. but was rather happy to fnd myself alive when i woke up. shall live life to the fullest.That's a Murciélago, my dream car that almost killed me. LOL

have been thinking too much i think. time to unwind myself back to the usual self. had a lil talk with dad. been asking me why i've been kinda hot tempered lately and getting tired out of nothing. i merely told him it was my principal and my teachers causing it. and tomorrow there's chinese class during the night. my Mio modem is joining my house and internet is sure gonna be faster. tomorrow is my parents wedding anniversary. i think celebrating it on saturday at paragon. NCC gold unit? Games day again tomorrow? that's what i heard from eng teck this morning. to think that during the times when i was a mere cadet. games day almost didn't existed in NCC. so fortunate for them. anywway mr bean's holiday is out today. can't wait to catch it man.

I'm tired. very tired. haven't been myself all day. almost going complete silent mode. pastamania was on today's lunch menu. had a lil study at marine parade library. went home. had a nap before i was woke up by my parents. last to enter tuition. first to complete everything and came out. veg n rice was the only thing left for my dinner/supper menu. rather pathetic. studied a lil social studies. blogged a lil and off to slp. broke my own record for this month. 1 sms for the day. sry if i didn't replied you. not i don't want to. can't afford to. still owe my parents an amount of $40 bucks for the previous 2 months. sorry.

Hold me up,dont let go

Ive had enough

Im tired of breathing

Tired of feeling

Tired of looking at the past for meaning

Tired of running

Tired of searching

Tired of trying

But im not tired of you

Losing everything

Its something i cant face

Hope is on the run

Its something i cant fake

alex

I'm waiting

wonder what happened to me today. was rather moodless. might be because a sign of being too tired. yeah. so sorry if i didn't talk alot after school or was rather cold towards anyone of you. sorry.

One question what can't be done

You tear me down with the same thing

There's nothing the end, it's begun

What can you do when it all drains

Down there, you go always

See if I care faded

Down, don't you know where I'll be'

Cuz I'm here, on my own

alex

tomorrow will be a new start for everything. term 2 gonna do my best already.

yesterday cycled to east coast with gang despite cycling there 2 days ago. was rather fun lo. tracy's tire went flat on her on the way there. super funny. then during the night was emo-ed day. listened to songs and talking about our dirty little secret. had abit from mingfeng. and lots of it from bestie when the rest went cycling! it just feel so good. too good to be with her. she's almost like the only one understanding what i'm going through. needed that alot! bestie cried. was abit shocked. but then before i could do anything the rest came back. bestie be strong yeah? hold back tears! cheer up! am always there no matter what happens.

you talked to me. am glad you did. don't wished anything more from you.

show me what it's like
to be the last one standing
and teach me wrong from right
and i'll show you what i can be
say it for mesay it to me
and i'll leave this life behind me
say it if it's worth saving me

alex

Freedom as some of my friends have seen in me. was an attribute that doesn't existed in my dictionary. it might be seem that i could go anywhere, anytime. but in fact it's a choice between facing the wrath or just enjoy the happiness. in my parent's eyes i couldn't see where they place me. just because i have a lower intelligence doesn't mean that i'm useless. so stop condemning me. sometimes things just suck so much when you have siblings that are much smart than you. they seem to can do everything. i could still remember the days you whack me so hard that my skin turn blue black just because i couldn't get my time tables right. i forced myself to memoried but to no avail. i tried but you didn't see. and whenever you tested me. i get whacked because of slight mistakes. causing me to hate maths for almost a decade. the first sight of my test results was always looking at the negative side of my results. and never once looked at my acheivements. you should know i cycle around the neighbourhood just to distress myself during the night. oh maybe you don't even take notice. when ever i wanna stay overnight at my friend's house. all you could say it's no. namely. you are "worried". i'm not your puppy anymore. i'm a grown up 17 years old teenager.

Some of the gang in negative-

all these while. if it wasn't for my friends i would have broken down.

To Gang, HPY, CCNS, Kc and those that have contributed in making me, myself again.

THANK YOU!

Hey dad look at me

Think back and talk to me

Did I grow up according to plan?

Do you think i'm wasting my time

Doing things I wanna do?'

Cuz it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it

I just want to make you proud

I'm never gonna be good enough for you

I can't pretend that I'm all right

and you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing last for ever

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and we can't go back

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

alex-

Things all around me been changing in this so short period of time. i believe i'm still not getting adapted to it. my parents lectured me more often after the meet the parents with mdm wong, guessed my results gave them the impression that i just couldn't bother. i tried everything i could and i gave everything i had. but you just don't understand. my brother don't get scolded for getting home late. while i do.





Drawn by HPY - Grace


Yesterday was quite a night. try singapore's expressway in 120km/hr. bet u can't do it without the power to drive. dinner was one of the best in weeks. had stingray and macperhsons beef kway teow. haven't got a chance to eat it for years! hanging out with the gang was certainly more meaningful in some aspects. you get to interact with them and share problems and go through things together. really love the days, every single one of it.


Drawn by alex-




Today was one of the days i was kinda tramatised. we got people play on the platform of the mrt. was kinda worried over there. can't imagine if one just miss just one step. one step. and their life could be endangered. one occasion was when jj mei kinda like bounced. was shock outta my life man. so did the uncle operating the mrt train. was rather worried with them playing around the platform. didn't want anything to happen.



Well school's just tomorrow. till nxt time.

The time is slow and I am sinking

into a hole blackened with lies and though

I made it myself you stand watching

as my life passes me by

lex

well. one week over alrdy.

well.. ytd spent half the day in the library studying and everything.. fridae made me realised the importance of my grades.. too lil revising led me to 40 for l1r5 n 31 for l1r4 realli was depresssed tat day.. in my mind was wondering. if i ever get this kinda points for my actual Os which is in like less than 10mths. where can i go? neither poly, jc nor ite. this time i realli disappointed my parent. so much hope have been put on me ever since they day i was declared tat i am going to sec 5. stress and pressured. but then thanks to the ppl around me like grace, jingjun, kc, jz, mf, serena, eunice, amber lots of them tat made me pick myself up.. for them. THANK YOU!

For the first time. tuition was fun witout my sec5 friends. kinda weird uh. was like chatting with yuzhen during the tuition. well. from the same sch. we start to talk about tons of stuffs. LOL. she even noe about the dawn n sihui thingy.. lol. was rather amusing. AHHHH! i cannot find my ace combat ps2 dvd! but then also a good thing. well. if i dun get to play. i get to study! woot! i cut my hair too! seriously i think i m just too pig or tired. imagine the uncle cutting yr hair n u were slping throughout. my god. the best part was. the uncle didn't noe i was slping! LOL!

Sick and Tired of this world
There's no more air
Trippin' over myself
Goin' nowhereWaiting
Suffocating
No direction
And I took a dive

And on the way down
I saw youAnd you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget
The way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held onto you.

lex-